Whenever my husband and I argue over something kid-related, and let's be honest, it's always the same argument, a little voice inside me always falls back to the same position, "Well, I'm not the one who wanted kids."
Horrible, right? I'm a bad person and a terrible mother because when things get tough, I always feel like I took on this extra responsibility that I didn't really want in the first place. If you ask my friends, most of them will tell you that they were surprised that we ended up having children. That's because I had said quite clearly on many an occasion that I didn't think I could do the whole parenting gig.
No one is more surprised than I am that I did it (twice) and that I actually enjoy it. That I was capable of investing so much love, time, and effort into the whole endeavor. That I actually have enough patience to watch over my little brood without going completely mental. So do I love being a mom? Yes. Do I regret having kids? No.
But that doesn't change the fact that having them wasn't my idea. So when we come back to the recurring argument - and for the record, that argument is over whether or not said husband is investing enough time and effort into the rearing of his children - I always end up thinking to myself, "It's time to cowboy up, because you were the one who wanted these kids, not me."
I never say it, of course, precisely because it is so very wrong. But I think it. I think, I earn half the household income, so why is it every time a munchkin is sick, I'm the one who has to take a day off to stay home. Why does everyone give me a guilt trip for carving out time for myself to exercise or have dinner with a friend while the husband does the same completely guilt-free? How come Daddy gets extra credit for taking twenty minutes out from surfing the net to play with the kids, but if I give up my whole day to devote to the kids, nobody remembers. Especially since I didn't want to have kids in the first place.
See, there I go again. I guess the crux of the issue isn't really who wanted to start a family first, it's really about parity in parenting. If one parent is the wage earner and the other is the household manager, the roles are more clearly defined. But when both parents have equal responsibility for bringing home the bacon, it's harder to define who's "in charge" of managing the parent-child dynamics. On most days, I gladly take ownership because I love the kids and I'm capable and well, it's just not going to get the attention it needs if I don't. But sometimes, I wish the one who was doggedly persistent about becoming a parent would step up to the plate.
