Has anyone ever asked you what you hope your children will
be like when they grow up, and you reply, “It doesn’t matter, as long as
they’re happy.” It sounds good to say,
and heck, you probably mean it when you say it.
I mean it when I say it, at least I think I do.
But then, I end up spending most of my time grooming them to
be “the right kind of people” when they grow up and not a lot of time focused
on making my kids happy. I’ve put a lot
of effort into making them smart, healthy, athletic, attractive, savvy, and
polite. I guess I always expected
‘happy’ to be a by-product of the rest.
As if being the straight-A student will make my son happy. Or getting to the next level in ballet class
will make my daughter happy. Hearing the
grandparents tell them how good they are with their “please and thank yous”
makes them happy.
It does to some degree because children generally like to be
praised. It certainly makes them proud
to have achieved goals they have set for themselves (or more likely, that their
parents set for them). And when they
grow up, they will definitely be happier if they are successful in their
careers, fit and healthy, and have strong friendships with people who will
support them in meeting the goals they end up setting for themselves. But do
these things make them truly happy now?
If I think about some of my daughter’s happiest moments,
they include an unplanned walk to Baskin-Robbins and sharing an ice cream cone
together or a tea party on a Saturday afternoon or even just a chance to sit in
my lap to read together. My son favors a
good, old-fashioned tickle session on his bed or watching a hockey game on TV
with his dad – oh, he likes that walk to Baskin-Robbins, too.
We don’t do those things very often. Usually, we are too busy shuttling them from
swim lesson to karate lesson, volunteering at the library, preparing for some
Big Event for school, or nagging them to do homework, clean their rooms, and
say “please” and “thank you”. Not that
any of those are bad things; they are building a foundation to ensure happiness
in their future. But I can’t help but
feel like I do need to take more time to give them happiness today.
