Universal Truths About Pregnancy

My cousin A is pregnant and has asked me for the inside scoop on pregnancy. She told me there are too many books out there, and it's kind of scary all the information that's available. So I've been thinking about what advice to give her. I don't want to steer you wrong, A, so after a lot of thought, here are the universal truths about pregnancy:

1. Every pregnancy is different. This is why there are thousands of books out there on the topic. What happened during my pregnancy may not happen during yours. Heck, your first pregnancy may be very different from your second pregnancy (if you end up with more than one). That is why my list of universal truths is so short. And it's also why you should not worry about swollen ankles, gestational diabetes, or stretch marks until they actually happen to you.

2. This is the last time it will all revolve around you, so enjoy it! Right now, everyone wants to know how you're feeling, if you're excited, what your plans are. During pregnancy is when chivalry, once extinct, will make brief appearances in friends, family, and strangers, as people offer to let you go ahead of them in line in the store, take the last seat in a waiting area or bus (but I know you never take the bus, so nevermind about that), or offer to carry things or get things on your behalf. Once that baby comes, it becomes all about the baby.

3. No matter how big or small you were before you got pregnant, your pregnancy clothes will not fit you well at the end of the pregnancy. Don't bother spending a lot of money on third trimester threads, just find a pair of sweats that will stay on with the waist band under the belly and live in those for the last few weeks.

4. If labor scares the heck out of you, that's totally normal. And yes, it is going to hurt. There is no breathing technique that makes it hurt less (but holding your breath isn't going to do you or your baby any favors, so make sure you breathe). But it's the only pain in the world that you are supposed to have and so your body is designed to handle it. Also, you will be so desperate not to have that baby inside you any more, you would gladly do anything - labor, walk on hot coals, crawl through broken glass, whatever - to get it out of you.

5. How ever your pregnancy is going, you will do yourself a great favor by always heeding what your body tells you. Do you feel tired? Go sleep. Are you hungry? Then eat. When you're feeling full, stop eating. Don't try to be a hero or have the attitude that you are not going to let the pregnancy get in the way of your normal modus operandi. Most people will be understanding if you have to duck out of a meeting early or are too tired to hang (see truth #2). After the baby is here, there will be times aplenty when you won't be able to eat, sleep, pee, shower, or do anything when you feel like it, so just listen to your body now.

6. There is a lot of "stuff" that people say is a must-have for the baby, but I guarantee you will have too much stuff and not all the right stuff either. It won't matter how many showers you have or how carefully you research the consumer reports. You will get something that the baby will absolutely refuse or find yourself needing something you never imagined you would need. It's actually better to get less stuff now and wait until you know your baby a little better.

(Not really a universal truth, but my 2 cents on truth #6) On my list of essentials to have before the baby arrives: infant carrier/car seat, infant carrier stroller frame ("snap'n'go"), diaper pail, diaper changing pad, swing, diaper bag, burp cloths, baby clothes (side-snap t-shirts, cap, full-body footed sleeper - with snap closures are the best), 3-4 large swaddling blankets, baby monitor, and a washer and dryer. Except for the washer and dryer and the diapering stuff, borrow what you can. Everything else you can get later as you learn about baby's likes and dislikes and also your own habits and parenting routines.

Other than that, read a few books, take in the things that apply to you, and don't worry about the stuff that doesn't. I recommend you get an understanding of the labor process and become informed about common scenarios and the options for handling them, but it doesn't have to be a childbirth class. You could hire a doula (I highly recommend this), or talk to someone who can give you detailed information, but it should be via a means that allows you to ask questions (ie, don't just read a book or watch a video). I also recommend you take a "baby care basics" class (one that shows you how to bathe a baby, clip his/her nails, change diapers, recognize different types of crying, etc) and a breastfeeding class (if you plan to breastfeed, which I also recommend).

I'm sure there is way more wisdom out there than what I've mentioned, so if you have a tip for my cousin A, please share in the comments. Thanks!